I like how you have used several pieces of evidence in your essay of detail, syntax, and such. Even though your introductory paragraph is engaging to the reader, it lacks a clear thesis that explains the meaning of the article. Throughout your body paragraphs, you have mentioned many statistics and other pieces of evidence but you have not mentioned their importance thereof. I feel that you need to add more scholarly analysis that goes beyond just explaining the importance of the article and highlighting how your interpretation of the article relates to the overall meaning of the work. The main point that i would recommend is to look more closely at the purpose of the author in using those specific pieces of evidence in creating effective meaning.
You did a really good job of providing evidence and details that support your point! I would try to include a more specific thesis to add structure to your essay; this thesis would also provide topic sentences to add more flow to your writing. You clearly understand the article and that comes through in your writing. I like how thorough you are with explaining everything; while easy to read, your writing is also intellectual and poised. The statistics you added have a great impact as well. Good job!
I think that in this essay you are mostly personally responding to the piece, rather than analyzing it. You briefly mention syntax and diction, but it's incidental. You understand the piece and respond to it well, but you dont really analyze it, which is the point of the assignment.
I like how you have used several pieces of evidence in your essay of detail, syntax, and such. Even though your introductory paragraph is engaging to the reader, it lacks a clear thesis that explains the meaning of the article. Throughout your body paragraphs, you have mentioned many statistics and other pieces of evidence but you have not mentioned their importance thereof. I feel that you need to add more scholarly analysis that goes beyond just explaining the importance of the article and highlighting how your interpretation of the article relates to the overall meaning of the work. The main point that i would recommend is to look more closely at the purpose of the author in using those specific pieces of evidence in creating effective meaning.
ReplyDeleteYou did a really good job of providing evidence and details that support your point! I would try to include a more specific thesis to add structure to your essay; this thesis would also provide topic sentences to add more flow to your writing. You clearly understand the article and that comes through in your writing. I like how thorough you are with explaining everything; while easy to read, your writing is also intellectual and poised. The statistics you added have a great impact as well. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI think that in this essay you are mostly personally responding to the piece, rather than analyzing it. You briefly mention syntax and diction, but it's incidental. You understand the piece and respond to it well, but you dont really analyze it, which is the point of the assignment.
ReplyDelete